My Truth (lengthy because I'm no spring chicken!)

I was born in Wewoka, Oklahoma, well, a few years back. I didn't live there very long because my parents were divorced when I was a preschooler (this was back when people considered kindergarten preschool!!).



When I was in the fifth grade my mother remarried and like most women back then, she took her husband's last name, but I kept my last name. Consequently, my last name was different from my parents' last name. Now, that's a very common thing. But back then it was not as common. So if the kids in school found out about it, they would want to know why and I would be so embarrassed at having to explain that my mother was divorced and remarried. That was just personal and private info that I didn't want to have to share with my friends.



But in spite of the insecurities of a broken home, I had the knowledge of my mother's love. I knew that no matter what happened, my mother would always be there for me, always take care of me and always protect me. Years later, this would help me to understand a little bit about my heavenly Father's love. But back then, the picture I had of God was: He was that white-bearded Gentleman up in the clouds on His golden throne with all those little cherubs and angels flitting about at His beck and call.



I don't ever remember not believing in God or trying to be a good person. In fact, I was real good with the "God-help prayers". You know what those are: you're in trouble or you need something and you go "God, help, help!" Then you get out of that trouble or get what you need and you just forget about Him until the next time you need something. I even went through a membership training class for a church and I memorized all the books of the Old and New Testaments, John 3:16 and the 23rd Psalm!! All things considered, I really would have evaluated myself as a fairly decent person --- in fact, maybe just a little bit better than fairly decent, all things considered. But I know now that God saw me for just exactly what I was: a totally self-centered individual. And I know now that He was just watching over me, guiding me, protecting me, and just waiting for His perfect timing.



It took less than a year for me to realize, even though I was only in the sixth grade at the time, that my stepfather had a drinking problem. When I got older I would know that this was called alcoholism. He kinda had a Dr. Jekyll-Mr. Hyde personality. There were times when he could be very kind, very generous and very loving toward my mom and me. And I know now that he really did love us - in his own way. But then there would be times when he was drinking that his personality would do a 180 degree turn and he would become very belligerant. And it was just kind of scary, because you never knew when one of those times was going to happen. It was a very difficult time of my life and a very painful time.



Because of that background, it probably won't surprise you to know that when I graduated from high school, I was very eager and excited to leave home and go off to college - even though that meant leaving my mother behind and worrying about her- since I was an only child.



But off I went to Oklahoma State University where I went for a year and a half - until I met Mr. Wonderful. Now Mr. Wonderful was not my "first love", but he was EVERYTHING I had ever dreamed of in a man. He was good-looking, had a great personality, was athletic, had a great sense of humor --- in fact, he's still all of those things. And what was even more amazing was not only did I fall in love with Mr. Wonderful, but Mr. Wonderful fell in love with me! And I know now that God was just watching out for me, leading me to the perfect person He had picked out just for me.



We were soon married and because of the difficult circumstances of my childhood and teenage years, I desperately wanted more than anything else to be the perfect wife and have the perfect home. Now I hid all of those feelings with a nonchalant and indifferent outward attitude because after all, if this didn't work out, I'd want to hide all of that hurt and pain I knew I would feel on the inside. And Jim, my husband, also came from a broken home. I knew that in situations like ours, the odds for a successful marriage were not in our favor. But I was going to try. I loved him so much I just knew I could be a good wife. Well, this trying went on for years.

When our first child came along - a beautiful baby girl we named Charissa, I decided to broaden my goals. Now not only did I want to be the perfect wife, I wanted to be the perfect mother. I just loved this little bundle of joy so much, I just knew I could be a good mother. And I tried and I tried and I tried. But it just seemed like the harder I tried, the more I failed and the more frustrated and miserable I became.

Now Jim and I really did have a pretty good marriage. That would not just have been from outsiders' point of view, but we probably would have said the same thing. But the failure and frustration and turmoil that I was experiencing as a wife and mother were coming from somewhere else. They were coming from the inside. And I know now that that's because the wrong person was in control of my life.

Well, we moved several times and we wound up in this town in Missouri and we decided that it was the appropriate thing to do to go to church. We had this small toddler now and she should be in some sort of Sunday school program or something. So we began to visit some churches and we visited this one church and from the first time I went I just knew that there was something different about these people. At first I couldn't put my finger on what it was, but the more I was around them, the more I realized that they just had a love and joy and peace within them that I knew I didn't have in my life - and that I desperately wanted.

I got involved in church activities, Bible studies and other Christian events and as I attended these, I began to hear and read things in the Bible that were all new to me - things I had not known before.

One of the things I learned was a new revelation on something that was very familiar to me. It was that verse I memorized many years before and knew by heart, but didn't understand in my heart. It was John 3:16. But someone explained it to me in a different way, saying that even though that verse did apply to everyone in the whole wide world, it was also a personal verse, just for me. So if you read it like that it would go something like this (and you could put your name in here where mine is): "For God so loved Melanie, that He gave His only begotten Son, that if Melanie believes in Him, she won't perish, but she'll have eternal life."

Well, I have to say it was a little bit hard to relate to the love of a heavenly Father, because of my unstable and inconsistent relationship with my earthly stepfather. But you know what? God knows what we need. He knows what we need even before we know what we need. He had given me a wonderful mother with a self-sacrificing kind of love that helped me understand a little bit about what my heavenly Father's love would be like. Because I knew how much my mother loved me and she was just a person. So God's love for me would be even more perfect!



I also learned that God has a wonderful plan for my life. Included in that plan is not just eternal life, so that I can live with Him forever and ever, but also an abundant life right now, at the present time. Jesus is the One Who tells us that: "I have come that they might have life and have it more abundantly." (John 10:10)



Well, I was getting really excited about all these things I was learning about. But the next thing I learned about I wasn't excited about at all. In fact, I didn't even like it. That was that man, all mankind is sinful and so we're separated from God and so we can't know and experience His wonderful plan for our lives. And I was included in that group!

Well, first off, I did not like that word "sin" at all. It kinda gave me the heebie-jeebies to hear it or say it. But if there were sinners, I sure knew who they were! They were those people you read about in the newspaper: murderers, robbers, those kinds of criminals. They were definitely sinners! But me? I mean, after all, I had always tried to be a good person and I had always tried to do the right thing and I was always good 'n nice to anyone who was good 'n nice to me. But somebody showed me exactly what God thought of all those good works. In the Bible God tells us that all our good works are just like filthy rags to Him (Isaiah 64:6).

You see, for me, those outward crimes weren't sin for me, because I hadn't murdered anybody - well, not physically, but I might have with my words. I hadn't robbed any banks lately. Well, I hadn't robbed any banks at all. But my problem was somewhere else. It was on the inside and it had to do with my attitudes. For instance, my own stubborn self-will: I want what I want when I want it! Or my attitude of active rebellion against anyone or anything that got in my way: You were my friend as long as you did what I wanted you to do, or said what I wanted you to say. But don't ever not do those things or say those things, because then you wouldn't be my friend anymore. Or my attitude of just passive indifference: If you did not relate to me, myself and I, I just really wasn't too interested in you. Those were the attitudes within me that were keeping me separated from a holy, perfect God, Who cannot look upon any sin at all. And any attempt that I might make to reach this holy, perfect God by doing good works is going to fail. Either by a little or a lot, the results are always the same when we try to reach God by our good works: we fail!

Thank goodness what I learned didn't stop there. Because the next thing I learned was really good news! Exciting news! I learned that God had provided a Way - the only Way - that we could live with Him forever and ever, that we could know and experience His wonderful plan for our lives, and that we could have a personal relationship with the One who created us. Jesus, again, is the One Who tells us what that way is: "I am the Way and the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Me." (John 14:7)

Jesus came to this earth as a baby and grew up and lived a holy, perfect, sinless life. Then He suffered at the hands of man, shed His precious blood and died on the cross. When He died on that cross, He took all the punishment on Himself that I'm supposed to pay for my sins and that you're supposed to pay for your sins. Then He was buried and three days later He rose from the dead, showing that God, the righteous Judge, accepted His sacrifice as the perfect Lamb of God for mankind's sins.

Example: if I go 90 miles an hour down the road, you know what's going to happen, don't you? IF I live long enough, which is doubtful at 90 miles an hour, but if I do, those lights are going to go on behind me and a patrolman is going to pull me over and at the very least will give me a huge ticket because I've broken the laws of the land and I have to pay the penalty for that. And it's the same way with God's laws. We've all broken them in one way or another and we have to pay the penalty for that: death (Romans 6:23). But the good news is that Jesus has already paid it all so that we don't have to! And that's a free gift from God! (Romans 6:23)

I was so excited about all these things I was learning about, but just being excited about it wasn't enough. I had to receive the wonderful gift God had already given me of trusting Jesus Christ as my own personal Savior and Lord and surrendering my life to Him.

Example: my husband comes home with a beautifully wrapped package for me. Now let's say I've given him a real obvious hint on what I want (which is the only kind of hint he gets!) and I know just exactly what's in that package. Let's say it's a small cube-size package (love those!). Well, he's already given me the gift, I know exactly what it is, and I am so excited about it. But if I don't reach out and take it from him by faith, knowing that it's from someone who loves me, that gift doesn't belong to me. And it's the same way with God's wonderful Gift. He's already given it to us, we may know all about it, we could even teach about it. But until we reach out by faith and receive it for ourselves, knowing that it's from the One Who loves us more than anyone else in the world loves us, that Gift doesn't belong to us. We have to receive it by faith.

That's what I did. On November 7, 1972, I received Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior and I turned over everything of my life that I knew to Him. Now I have to say, that wasn't very much. I didn't understand everything about what I was doing. But guess what? God didn't care. He didn't care what I knew. He didn't care what I didn't know. He didn't care what I had done. He didn't care what I hadn't done. He took me just the way I was.

This was three months after our second beautiful child was born - a beautiful baby boy that we named Brian. About seven days later it was so gracious of God to lead my husband to turn over the controls of his life to the Lord and we began our Christian home together and I became the perfect wife and mother. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? (If you believe that, I've got some oceanfront property in Kansas I want to sell you!!!) Of course I didn't become the perfect wife and mother. I'm still not the perfect wife and mother. But if you knew me then and you knew me now, you'd say: "Wow! What a miracle God is doing in her life!" Notice I said IS doing. God is not through with me yet. In fact, He has a long ways to go with me yet.

But God is so patient and kind and loving. And He has taught me so many wonderful things. And it all has to do with truth. MORE LATER.